Sometimes it takes a car accident

For the past month or more, my self-care GPS went off-line.  I stopped spending quality time with God and myself.  Trying to keep up with all that has been swirling around me and with each task crossed off my list, another three would get added.  I did start saying no, as no is a complete sentence, but when is saying no at the detriment of others and myself. 

I have friends in the hospital with needs.  There are petitions and letters to write to congress and council.  There is coffee to be set up at church.  Weeds to pull in the garden and the lawn needs mowed.  Phone calls, text and emails to return. And two major events to plan and organize coming at me like a run-a-way freight train.  So, for the past month or so, I have just wanted to curl up in a fetal position and cry.  Today I had the time to cry, only after the three car accident on the way to work.

I held back the tears while sitting in my car after the jolt. I held back the tears while exchanging insurance papers with the other two drivers. I held back the tears while filling my claim and when picking up the rental car.  I held back the tears until the doctor’s appointment was made and even then, sat down and told myself, you have permission to cry.  Yet I was dry.

So I sat longer, relaxed and let the tears flow.  No, not so much tears, but body jolting, hard to hear sobs.  I can’t remember when I cried last, as you know, big boys don’t cry.  I cried from anger, anger at so many things that are just plain wrong in the world we live.  I cried about a family member and how, unknowing to them, their words hurt me to the core.  I cried for my friends recovering from surgery and entering a retirement home.  I cried as my list of tasks to accomplish each day just seems to never go down.  And then, I cried some more.

Yet, through these tears I see joy, feel protected and know I am blessed.  I see joy in my life and within myself.  I feel protected, as while waiting for the police and tow truck, I was thankful that I prayed for protection during my morning prayer. I was protected as all three drivers walked away and two out of three cars drove away.  I feel blessed, as when my husband picked me up to take me home, I looked out at the homeless living under the freeway.  I have a home.

So, it took a car accident to slow me down.  It took a car accident to allow myself to cry and release.  It took a car accident to make me pause.  My prayer for myself and you, is to take the time to cry when needed.  Take the time to self-care and meditate without God-Universe taking a drastic action as a jolt from behind.
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Dear Protector Sustainer Mother Father God – oh how I thank you for your love and protection.  Thank you for never leaving me and always holding me in your loving force.  It was your force that protected me today.  It was your loving force that jolted me out of my analytical self and allowed myself to be my real self and feel my own real tears.  Dearest Lord, please continue to keep us all in your loving protective force and allow us to feel and be real, before it takes a car accident to wake us up.  In your many names.  Amen.